I'm Not Bitter
by Lodestar
Summary: Hisoka learns the dangers of metaphor (Belated Valentine's WAFF, T+H-ish)


Title: I'm Not Bitter   
Author: Lodestar   
Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is copyrighted to Yoko Matushita and associates. I claim no ownership and intend no disrespect 

In his lifetime and beyond, Kurosaki Hisoka had discovered that there were ways uncountable with which to waste one's time. Doubtless this was partly due to his (somewhat dubious) choice of partner, but not even Tsuzuki could master every possible variation on this theme- even when you took in to account his seventy-plus years of service. 

Hisoka's own experiences, having lasted a scant nineteen years thus far, were even more limited. Still, he thought that his dull years of imprisonment in his own quarters gave him an edge most teenagers couldn't begin to comprehend. 

With those points clearly outlined and understood, let it be said that he still couldn't think of a worse way to waste a day than the horrors that had been visited on him today. 

He had spent the entire walk back to their latest ChiJou apartment in a foul mood, expressed mostly through colder than usual glares and monosyllabic answers to Tsuzuki's babbling conversation. Why the man felt the need to pick him up from school when he hadn't managed to get a temporary position there, Hisoka couldn't fathom. 

Tsuzuki either hadn't noticed his supposed ward's black humor, or he was pretending he hadn't in an attempt to keep the boy's wrath from hitting him squarely, if metaphorically, between the eyes. He was probably thanking his stars that their temporary quarters were no more than a few blocks away, or even that might not have saved him. 

Hisoka himself didn't see it that way. He was sparing his overenthusiastic partner only because a few minutes background noise was the least of his problems. For one, it felt as if his back was going to snap like a twig in autumn at any moment. Pausing only to toe off his shoes in the hall (even if the apartment wasn't traditional, there was no reason why he shouldn't be) he half-staggered into the main room and swung his book bag onto the table with vicious force. After a moment of treating it to a green-eyed glare, he sighed and lifted it again, upending it efficiently onto the faux wood surface. First a few slim books and scattered papers. Then, as the boy's shaking grew more violent, a slew of small foil-wrapped objects. 

With the speed of a guided missile Tsuzuki appeared at his elbow, violet eyes alight. "What's all that?" 

A golden eyebrow rose in disbelief. "You of all people forgot that today is Valentine's Day?" 

Tzusuki took a step backwards and fell over onto the couch in what might or might not have been an honest display of shock. Hisoka, having long ago learned that the best thing to do with the man's theatrics was shrug them off, threw his now empty bag at a nearby armchair and moved towards the bedroom to change out of his uniform. 

"If we were in Meifu, I'd be neck deep in candy by now..." Tsuzuki sniffed. Then his voice brightened. "So what did _you_ get me?" 

Hisoka tripped, barely managing to turn his awkward stumble into a quarter-turn back towards his partner. The idiot couldn't mean... but he had to be implying... Valentine's was a time for guys to get candy from their _admirers_, not some stupid excuse to pig out! Unless Tsuzuki thought... 

Sincerely wishing that there was a viable method of keeping oneself from blushing, Hisoka gestured coolly at the table. "That. Take anything you like." 

For a moment Tsuzuki's face seemed less a collection of features and more a book, dejection writ large over its pages. Then the look vanished so quickly Hisoka wasn't sure it had ever been there as the man perked up and started to rifle through the small boxes, bag, cards and candies that were beginning to overflow onto the floor. "Wow... so popular!" Selecting one at random, he lifted the top off and shoved a sticky chocolate into him mouth, face melting into a look of pure bliss. 

Hisoka sat and hooked a leg over the side of the sofa, abandoning for the moment the idea of changing in favor of observing his partner's childish display. For all Tsuzuki's faults, there was something magical about watching him when he was so happy. Something terribly endearing that made Hisoka's chest too tight and gave him the urge to scoot closer to the man and ask him if he liked it, just to hear his enthusiastic agreement. 

At least, until Tsuzuki spoke again. 

"Hey, Hisoka... why are all these chocolates unsweetened?" 

Hisoka could feel his cheeks burning again. "Because..." he said slowly. "Because I'm _mumblemumblemumble._" 

Tsuzuki looked confused. "What?" 

"Because they think I'm bitter!" Hisoka yelled. He paused, breaths coming in great gulps. A moment later, he managed to continue speaking in a quiet, levelheaded voice. "They think I'm... perfect or something. And they think I'm proud of it. They like me because they think I hate them." The silence seemed to be stretching out from his heart and filling the room with something quiet and deadly. He fought to pull choked words out of it. "I'm not bitter." He drew another breath to argue his point- 

-and found himself wrapped in warm arms. 

"Of course you're not." Said Tsuzuki. His breath was warm against Hisoka's ear, a bizarre form of comfort. "Of course you're not. They just don't know you." 

_Like I do._ The words rang clear and true from one mind to the other. 

Hisoka's lashes fluttered down against his cheeks as he began to relax into the comfort of his partner's embrace. 

Tsuzuki pulled away, muttering apologies. "Sorry. I know I shouldn't touch you like that." 

Sometimes it was damned inconvenient that everybody wasn't an empath. 

All masks in place, Hisoka left the room, untying his school tie as he went. The model of efficiency. But on reaching the bedroom, his hands fell limp at his sides. 

_They just don't know you like I do._

Did Tsuzuki know him? And, for all his powers, did he really know anything about Tsuzuki? Did he even know himself? Why the hell should he care if a bunch of giggling girls years younger than him thought he was a jerk? And why- _why_ -did the half-second's in the other's arms make him think maybe none of his questions really mattered in the slightest? 

Suddenly too heavy to even contemplate getting out of his uniform, he crumpled bonelessly onto the bed. 

And the bed crackled. 

Not only did it crackle. It was surprisingly uncomfortable, made up of nothing but tiny lumps and bumps. He put out a hand and felt plastic wrinkling under his fingers, and as his shoulderblades twisted something gave a dull snap. 

There was only one thing to do when your bed seemed to have turned into a riverbed. "Tsuzuki!" 

The man must have been waiting just outside the entrance for all the speed he appeared with. An impish smile twisted the corners of his mouth. "Hisoka? Do you like it?" 

Hisoka squinted a little in the glare from the newly-opened door. "Like it? What is it?" 

"You mean you didn't even turn on the lights?" Grinning, Tsuzuki flicked the switch next to the door. Then he stood, waiting expectantly. 

Hisoka turned his head and looked around Then he stared around. From the pillow to the end of the quilt, his bed had been covered in candy. Tiny foil-wrapped confections and hard candies in their individual wrappers of bright plastic had been scattered over the soft coverlet with haphazard abandon. 

The sweets skittered and shifted as Tzusuki brushed them aside and sat down on the edge of the bed. "You didn't really think I'd forget it was Valentine's Day, did you?" One of his twinkling eyes disappeared for a moment as he winked. 

Hisoka rolled over to escape from the warmth in that gaze, covering the action by reaching for a tinfoil-covered milk chocolate. "I don't like sweets." 

"I thought you might need a few today." Even without looking at him, it was still possible to see Tsuzuki's gentle smile. 

Hisoka gripped the candy until he thought he might crush it. "How did you know? How ..." _How can anyone understand me like this?_

He turned back over as a thought struck him. "I really didn't get you anything." 

"Stupid." Tzusuki whispered, turning his own insult against him. Moving cautiously, he lent in so close that his nose almost touched the younger boy's as he whispered. "You give me something every day I'm with you." 

And then he was gone, rolled off the bed and out the door before Hisoka had time to do more than realize that the breath of his words had tickled against his lips. 

Sitting up, the boy looked down at the candy still clutched in his hand. It was melting slightly from the heat of his palm, and he absentmindedly brought his hand to his mouth and licked. The chocolate was light and sweet, a complete contrast to everything he'd ever been given. 

_They just don't know you like I do._

Well, everything except his partner, then. 

He unwrapped the chocolate and ate it slowly, trying to learn to savor the taste like Tsuzuki did. 

First, he'd get this mess off his bed. Then maybe he'd go give Tsuzuki something _more_ than usual. 

  


Well... four days late, but there you are. Little things like my girlfiend coming up for the weekend can be a distraction. I love her though. She encourages me in the slashing of Hisoka ^^ I'd dedicate this story to her if only I didn't find it utterly unworthy. Ah well, at least it's seasonal. Happy Belated Valentine's Day, all! 

Two notes: 

1) The fact that Hisoka is nineteen places this story after the current manga arc (GenSouKai/GenSouKai Hen) in which Tatsumi mentions that if Hisoka had lived, he'd be 18. Frankly, the Yami timeline confuses the hell out of me ^^; Not that it really matters one way or the other in a piece like this 

2) This story was inspired by Matushita'-sama's own Valentine's Day special story, wherein everyone (well, Saya, Yuma, and Watari) plans to give Hisoka Lindt Bitter Chocolate XP 

3) I lied. Reviews, anyone? Also (and yes, I've said it before), if any of the authors who post here would be willing to donate fanfics to the soon-to-be-open archive at my YnM site, Bleeding Moon (), could you please contact me via a review or email? 


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